Kernel Hearts Review - Is This Roguelike Action RPG A Sinner?
Kernel Hearts
PC/SWITCH 2/PS5/XBOX Series
9/17/26
Ephemera Games/Whitethorn Games
On paper, an anime-themed Roguelike Action-RPG sounds like (mostly) everything a man such as myself could dream of. After all, I love me some slice and dice action, anime boobies and booties, leveling up, grinding it out, and taking down massive bosses. Plus, I’ve always loved the idea of climbing higher and higher towards the ultimate goal in video games. Hell, I’ve been climbing towers for decades now, going as far back as the Ys Book I and II days. But where roguelikes can sometimes lose me is in the repetition of it all. I like a bit of variety in my environments, enjoy seeing different places and different enemies and bosses, and in a roguelike… Well, sometimes it's the same shit for hours on end, and that gets dull.
But there are also examples of roguelikes that keep things plenty interesting throughout. Hades, Dead Cells, Slay the Spire, the list goes on. Kernel Hearts, however, coming to us from Ephemera Games, is NOT one of those. It’s a strange fusion of genres that tries to do too much. Whether it's a bizarre, half-hearted relationship bonding system between characters similar to something out of a Persona game, a drab, lifeless central hub without much to do in it, generic leveling components, dull, mindless combat, or other head-scratching design choices, Kernel Hearts reeks of mediocrity throughout and, ironically, lacks any real heart.
Things actually start out quite promising. A beautiful anime cutscene greets players, presenting an interesting narrative setup. That story begins in space, 1968, where the Soviets have raced to be the first to visit the moon. This is exciting and all, but not nearly as exciting as the discovery of a child with glowing yellow eyes, born to an astronaut and secretly held by the KGB. It turns out as this little lady grows older, she has far more powers beyond glowy eyeballs, as she seems to be some sort of magic user of sorts that will lead to the creation of an entire army based around her traits and abilities. Used as pawns for war, they will come to be known as instruments. Long story short, humans are brought close to extinction, until one night a green light fills the sky, and a massive structure rises. Yeah, that’s the tower I was talking about before, it’s funky. Now you and a group of 4 magical girls will attempt to climb to the top and save humanity once and for all! There are themes of greed, lust, and human incompetence throughout Kernel Hearts. Humans driving their own extinction hits close to home, and for the most part, I really liked the writing… At least in that initial setup.
But Kernel Hearts is NOT a visual novel, though after playing it for a few hours, you may wish it had been. It is, as I mentioned, a hodgepodge of ideas that never quite come together. There’s really not much to be learned mechanically, not that the game teaches you anyway. Players can jump, double jump, and execute one of the worst wall jumps I have come across, which feels closer to a triple jump and only works maybe 70 percent of the time. Each area of the tower is a fairly large open space, where collecting items is the name of the game, and on average, runs seem to last around 30 minutes or so. One of those key collectibles is stray souls, which allow you to level up. You do this by spending these spirits at random moon icons, which are also scattered across the map.
These maps are also full of angels to defeat, some of which are frozen in stone and must be bashed away at in order to be awakened. It really won’t take you long to grasp combat, which is a rather button-mashy affair that lacks depth. Each of the game’s 4 characters, some of which will take an eternity to unlock, has a variety of two-button combos that can be executed and a few different individual traits, alongside installable chips which can be earned at your main hub area by spending coins. There are also restorative items which can be attached to the D-Pad, and you’ll earn some magical abilities as you go, which are… Well, lame for the most part. Most of the systems here are about as standard as action-RPGs and roguelikes come, lacking any real depth. Now granted, I am not opposed to some mindless hacking and slashing in my games, I enjoy a good Dynasty Warriors release, for example, but it doesn’t help that the game further built around this combat engine is just strange. Yes, there are cards to collect that offer perks, relics that fall out of the sky, and all the usual genre tropes, but it's nothing that hasn’t been seen or executed better in countless other roguelikes at this stage.
Where Kernel Hearts does try to deviate from the familiar formula a bit is in its Sin Meter. This meter, located on the right side of the screen, slowly fills up as you explore, and once it reaches 100%, well, all hell is unleashed, and consider your run over. I’ll be frank, I hate timers, and considering this game tells you almost NOTHING as far as what your real goal is on each of these maps, it just made things all the more stressful and annoying. There’s nothing worse than feeling rushed in a game that’s often about exploring and collecting items and not much else. Even worse, I couldn’t find a meaningful way to lower it in any capacity, unless I was missing something, which is entirely possible because, again, very little is explained.
The other currency you’ll need to grab is known as Lost Wishes, which open random coffins in each area. Opening a coffin leads to more lame combat along with purifying the world… I guess and earning you important Momentos? Those are just a fancy name for perks. I wasn’t kidding, Kernel Hearts teaches you jack shit, and what it does teach you is very poorly explained. Yes, you can make the argument that games are a bit too hand-holdey these days and they don’t need to have a MASSIVE arrow screaming GO THIS WAY, but Kernel Hearts could have at least explained the core fundamentals of how a level should be tackled. Still, I was kinda sorta able to figure things out. Your ultimate goal is to get as strong as you can before the sin meter fills up, and then head towards a blue portal in the sky where an elevator man will transport you to that area’s boss. Defeat the boss, move up the tower, rinse and repeat.
I’m simplifying things, but there are also flowers that can open up gated areas if destroyed, which are never really explained at all, and then perhaps most unimportantly of all, the social system. Between runs, you’ll be at the game’s central hub, the town of Babel, where you can install new chip upgrades and chat it up with your fellow comrades. Sometimes the girls will want to spar, and sometimes you can give them gifts in exchange for more upgrades. This leads to lots of pointless conversations that add nothing to the game and go on far too long. I’m not convinced Kernel Hearts needed this mechanic at all and could have instead focused on telling a cool story built around its promising premise.
And in a nutshell, that’s Kernel Hearts. Areas that feel empty, dull, and full of meandering combat. Boring bosses, and a roguelike loop that has run its course. Yes, there is some variety here or there, such as random stops along your ascent where you can, you guessed it, have pointless conversations and earn more items to assist you, but that’s it. By run 4 or 5, you kinda get the feeling you’ve seen it all, and the game’s so boring you’ll be wishing you had. It doesn’t help that some of the maps are just poorly designed, such as the floor where you need to fly to the top. Sure, I can appreciate that each floor has its own unique theme, but what the hell were they thinking with some of this platforming? Do I really want to commit 20 plus hours to unlocking everything and seeing these same places time and time again, which weren’t all that fun to explore the first time? The answer is a resounding no. You could bring a friend along for the ride in up to 4-player co-op, which I tested with SilentSigns, but working together doesn’t make the game any more fun at all; it just led to two people being bored together. The game did seem to scale a bit depending on how many players were playing online together. And on the topic of balancing, it is also an issue in Kernel Hearts. You do have a few difficulty options; however, the story mode makes a boring game somehow MORE boring with its lack of enemies or challenge (except for one annoying boss that is, for whatever reason, immune to difficulty settings), normal feels WAY too difficult, and then the sinner mode, don’t bother.
It doesn’t help that Kernel Hearts' visuals are subpar. Environments are bland and lifeless, and the anime art is as generic and plain as it comes, which is a shame because there are some beautiful cutscenes and portrait art. Enemy design is flat and dull, bosses are anything BUT creative, and the whole thing looks like a PS3 game at best outside of those few highlights I pointed out. It’s a shame because some of the music and sound design is quite good. The music has a nice lo-fi vibe to it at times, with some chill beats, nicely arranged strings, and peaceful melodies. The action itself doesn’t sound terrible either, free of the overly exaggerated sound effects that can often accompany anime-themed games. There are plucky soothing guitars and other nice instrumentation; it's really well done and unfortunately was my favorite aspect of the entire game.
As far as performance is concerned, the game ran fairly well on my 4070, with a decent offering of graphical options available. I did hit a few small bugs mainly involving character animations, and one time my game wouldn’t launch, but outside of that, I didn’t have too many issues outside of button mapping, which didn’t seem to work correctly on my controller for whatever reason but DID work via keyboard, something that will hopefully be fixed. Menus are typically well designed and readable, though not being able to change difficulty in-game, where you will instead need to do so from the main menu, can be frustrating. Regardless, I suspect most rigs and devices shouldn’t have any major issues running the game, but the bigger question will be whether you want to at all.
Kernel Hearts' biggest sin in the end is just how boring it is. I honestly dreaded going back in for another run as I knew it would be another lifeless trudge through boring areas, taking part in boring combat, collecting boring things, and dying on the same damn annoying boss only to have to do it all again 10 more times. I appreciate the game tries to toss in some story beats and curveballs, but it’s not enough to mask a game that gets old VERY quickly. Gone is the room variety of Hades, the tight combat of Dead Cells, or the run variety of Slay the Spire, replaced with a lot of strange ideas, poor game design, and anime slop that doesn’t even go that far with the booby bouncing and butt shots that a few people MIGHT be looking for out of a game like this. Even the cool Sailor Moon transformation concept is a much smaller part of the game than one would hope. There are a few cool characters here that I enjoyed the design of, but for the most part, this has all been done before, and many times better, thus I am awarding Kernel Hearts the broken lamp. It narrowly avoids the Krampus as it's a functional experience, but rarely if ever is it a fun one.
PROS
Great narrative setup & cutscenes
Strong soundtrack & sound design
Cons
Extremely dull, repetitive gameplay
Poorly explained mechanics
Sin Meter ruins pacing
Uninspired environments & enemy design
Awkward platforming & bad wall jump
Social/bonding system adds nothing
Poor roguelike loop
Difficulty balancing issues
Generic anime aesthetic
WHO IS IT FOR?
Players who mainly want anime vibes and don’t care much about gameplay depth.
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